Screwing up Bollywood Formulas

Bollywood Formula No.1 - Two brothers play cops and robbers as kids, and while one grows up to be a honest and upright cop, the other also grows up to be a big Don! The cop although being emotionally attached to Don is left with no option but to kill his brother for the larger good of the country and society.
Screwed up Formula No.1 - Two brothers play cops and robbers as kids, and while one grows up to be a honest and upright cop, the other also grows up to be a honest upright cop! Story over!!!


Bollywood Formula No.2 - A poor young man falls in love with a beautiful and very rich girl and when they approach the wealthy, arrogant and powerful father, he stands against it! Instead, he wants his daughter to marry his evil rich friend's villian son (usually it is the perennial rapist Prem Chopra). The evil friend of the girl's father plans to get his son married to the girl to usurp all his friend's wealth and property. The poor young man figures out the evil plans and stops them by fighting Prem Chopra and his goons! He saves the Rich Arrogant Father and his daughter. The police comes in the end and arrests the Evil Father and Son duo with the goons. The Rich Arrogant father gets his daughter married to the poor young man.
Screwed up Formula No.2 - A poor young man falls in love with a beautiful and very rich girl and when they approach the wealthy, arrogant and powerful father he happily gets them married! Story over!!!


Bollywood Formula No.3 - Twins separated in a crowded Kumbh ka Mela grow up in separate towns. One of the twins becomes a Police inspector and the other becomes a Dacoit (Daku). The Dacoit has an evil Sardar (Leader) who not only loots but also kills people and rapes women; whereas the boy has some conscience and only loots from the evil rich to give to the poor. The good dacoit is in love with a village belle, whose sister is in love with the new inspector in town (the inspector is actually the dacoit's long lost brother)! During a song sequence in Holi, both the brothers identify each other with the Om Locket/Om Tattoo and hug each other while both the women cannot stop themselves from smiling. The inspector is at logger heads with the evil Dacoit Sardar and when on the verge of being killed by him, the good dacoit intervenes and not only saves the brother but the duo beats up the entire truck load of dacoits in a dhishum-bhishum sequence. In the end the Police Cars & Vans come and arrest the one that are alive. Both the heros get married to the heroines.
Screwed up Formula No.3 - Twins separated in a crowded Kumbh ka Mela grow up in separate towns, doing different jobs, marrying and having children, without ever meeting again! Story over!!!


Bollywood Formula No.4 - Two very close friends fall in love with the same girl. One of the boy is a rich kid and the other a poor boy. Initially the rich kid and the poor guy don't know that they are in love with the same girl. In the first half of the movie, both try to woo the girl, they explain to each other about their respective loves in the sweetest words possible. They finally decide to show the picture of the girl they love to each other and to their horror, it is the same girl.....Intermission.....now both the guys have become enemies. The rich guy now hates the poor guy and starts using the power of his money to woo the girl and to belittle the poor guy. The Poor guy on the other hand shows his intelligence (by helping her out in her weakest subject) and sincerety of his love by fighting off some villains. The Villains are rogues selling drugs in the college and have enemity with the rich guy because of some money cum drug related issues. They were about to kill him, when the poor guy fights them off and saves the rich guy. The rich guy realizes how good the poor guy is and how true his love is for the girl gives way for him towards the heroine. In the touching climax both offer to sacrifice their love for the other and the girl and finally declares that she has a twin sister and that one of them can marry her twin who looks exactly like her!
Screwed up Formula No.4 - Two very close friends fall in love with the same girl and in the touching climax both offer to sacrifice their love for the other and the girl finally declares that She is not a girl instead she's a guy who crossdresses!

Mithunda's Dialogues: Z-Grade dialogues in the B-Grade Film Industry

• Mera naam hai Suraj, truck driver Suraj(Truck Driver Suraj)
• .. naam hai Sankar .. aur hoon mein Bhayankar!(Sankar)
• Apuun ka naam hai HEERA, Apuun ne sab ko Cheera...(Heera)
• Main hoon tum jaise logon se nafarat karne wala, garibon ke liye jyoti, gundon ke liye jwala (Jwala)
• Main chahoo toh tum sabko abhi goli se mar sakta hoon magar abhi maarne se tumhe maarne ka credit meri bullet ko mil jayega!!!! (Inspector)
• Main hoon Do Numbri, ek se jyaada, teen se kam (Do Numbri)
• Dikhne mein bevda, bhaagne mein ghoda, aur maarne mein hathoda ....(Insaaf)
• "DUSHMANO KI LAASHON PAR BHANGRA KARNE WALA KABHI LANGDA NAHIN HOTA"
• Mantriji:- "Ye kanch bulletproof hai. tum mujhe chu bhi nahi sakte" ; Mithun Da:-"Ye kanch bulletproof hai magar patthhar proof nahi"AND HE BREAKS IT BY THROWING STONES ON THE GLASS.
• Main tumhe Hatela se Katela bana doonga”
• “Mai jis gali se guzarta hoo waha bachcha paida hone se pehle durrkar maa ke pet me susu kar deta hai!!” (Loha)
• “Hum aise laashen bicha denge jaise kisi nanhe munhe bacche ke nunhi se pesaab tapakta hain—tap tap” ( Gunda)

Bollywood's Thumb Rules

• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beatings but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.
• If a large pane of glass is visible, one of the villains will be thrown through it before long.
• Nothing is too tight for Madhuri.
• The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.
• Once applied, make-up is permanent, while waking up from sleep or in rain or in any other situation.
• A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the chick. (The bullet wound would tendered by the heroine by a piece of cloth torn from her own chunari or pallu!)
• A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero with machine guns, yet they will always miss. Every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will knock down at least ten opponents in a line.
• If you decide to start dancing in a field, everyone you bump into will know all the steps, and will be wearing coordinated outfits.
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
• A heroine will have time to change outfits several times in one song, however short.
• When its time to shoot the villian, the Hero will take the opportunity to render a lengthy dialogue.
• The Hero would beat up the villain without killing him....The Hero reunites with the kidnapped Heroine, long lost mother, long lost kumbh ka mela brother followed by some emotional hugs and dialogues.... The villain, unable to take the defeat, would make a final attempt to kill the Hero which leaves the Hero no option but to kill the villain. (Basically legitimizing a murder)
• My Favourite: Police comes in the end of any and every movie